Kate Gosselin: This subject is incredibly sensitive for Savanah. Before the shit hit the Gosselin fan, she watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 religiously and was connected to each of the children, except for Maddie because she's an asshole. Having said that, we wish you well possum-head.
Nicole Scherzinger: This is completely unfair for all of the has-beens involved. Bitch is a professional dancer and a Pussycat Doll! That's like going into a singing contest against Whitney "Kiss my ass!" Houston.
Aiden Turner: Who are you? A soap star? Clearly, since you're on a soap opera, you're harboring homosexual tendencies so we're positive you're an outstanding dancer. Good luck, Aiden!
Niecy Nash: What's up Deputy Raineesha Williams? Our team!
Shannen Doherty: Now we got ourselves a party! Somebody is going to get their tires slashed, sparkly outfits will be burned, and eyes will be scratched out if anyone else even thinks about winning. Seriously, vote for Shannen, we don't know what Brenda Walsh is capable of.
Erin Andrews: It's like she has ESPN or something.
Buzz Aldrin: This dude is our hero because he walked on the moon AND he's going to be on DWTHB's all in one lifetime. What an American Legend!
Evan Lysacek: So this dude is an Ice Princess? We didn't really watch the Olympics, but apparently he won gold, so we're sure he's a great dancer. Follow in Kristi's foot steps! We've got our eye on you...
Jake Pavelka: He's a pilot. He's marrying Vienna, the transvestite. And his show was entitled "On the Wings of Love". Lose Jake, lose.
Chad Ochocinco: FUCKING A, DUDE! KICK ASSSSS. This will be the most entertaining part of this entire show. Don't forget your sombrero, Ocho! If they think they're gonna win just tell 'em "Child please, kiss the baby."
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