Terrifying, but I still love it.

Yes, it's true. My husband's face will be on display at Madame Tussaud's in New York. I'm so proud of him.

Everyone loves GaGa.

This broad just keeps getting better.

Heidi, Heidi, Heidi... you just don't know when to zip your fat injected lips, do you? If your plastic surgeon is cutting you off then it's probably time to scale back on the "upgrades". Oh, but wait... your boobs aren't big enough, right?

"I love my boobs, but I still want to improve. I didn't get them as big as I originally wanted." Heidi says, adding that she wants to up them to a size H "for Heidi".

A size fucking H?! No one in their right fucking mind wants boobs that are a size H! And not because you think they'll look good, but you want your boobs to start with the same letter as your name? They'll also conveniently start with the same letter as "Hooker", "Hot Tranny Mess", "Hypocrite", and "Herpes" (which is something that I desperately hope you have). Good Christ, someone please put this bitch down immediately.

Lovin',

Sniff

Fucking bummer.

There isn't a single vagina in this world that is more obsessed with RPatz than me, but I can't help but be disappointed and disturbed by Little Ashes. Sure, Dali is crazy and awkward, but Rob standing in a mirror with a mangina? As much as it pains me to admit it, Savanah was right about this one.

Rob can still do no wrong in my eyes.

The bitch would also like to add that "Rob Pattinson takes the 'n' out of fang".

Poreotix.

We have a weakness for thweety Asian kids that can dance.

Are you fucking serious?

I'm gettin' that, fa sho!

Cancer Sucks.

The kid on percussion reps hard for a cure for cancer.

Silver Fox of the week we wanna thnuggle. (3/2-3/6)

I fuckin' love Michael McDonald. He reminds me of good times and he's a total silver fox. Hate on me all you want, you know you'd hit it.

Lovin',

Weez

33HZ - Greatest Band Ever?

Thanks to an adorable boy we know named Cheffy Geoffy, we were introduced to the band 33HZ (pronounced 33 "hertz"). Savanah has had the compact disc for almost two weeks and it has yet to leave her player. Please make yourselves familiar with the ENTIRE self titled album. It will blow your mind.

Dancing With The Has-Beens Predictions

Pamela Anderson-Lee: We read somewhere that she is participating in this contest to "concentrate on good things". Can you dance with Hep C?

Kate Gosselin: This subject is incredibly sensitive for Savanah. Before the shit hit the Gosselin fan, she watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 religiously and was connected to each of the children, except for Maddie because she's an asshole. Having said that, we wish you well possum-head.

Nicole Scherzinger: This is completely unfair for all of the has-beens involved. Bitch is a professional dancer and a Pussycat Doll! That's like going into a singing contest against Whitney "Kiss my ass!" Houston.

Aiden Turner: Who are you? A soap star? Clearly, since you're on a soap opera, you're harboring homosexual tendencies so we're positive you're an outstanding dancer. Good luck, Aiden!

Niecy Nash: What's up Deputy Raineesha Williams? Our team!

Shannen Doherty: Now we got ourselves a party! Somebody is going to get their tires slashed, sparkly outfits will be burned, and eyes will be scratched out if anyone else even thinks about winning. Seriously, vote for Shannen, we don't know what Brenda Walsh is capable of.

Erin Andrews: It's like she has ESPN or something.

Buzz Aldrin: This dude is our hero because he walked on the moon AND he's going to be on DWTHB's all in one lifetime. What an American Legend!

Evan Lysacek: So this dude is an Ice Princess? We didn't really watch the Olympics, but apparently he won gold, so we're sure he's a great dancer. Follow in Kristi's foot steps! We've got our eye on you...

Jake Pavelka: He's a pilot. He's marrying Vienna, the transvestite. And his show was entitled "On the Wings of Love". Lose Jake, lose.

Chad Ochocinco: FUCKING A, DUDE! KICK ASSSSS. This will be the most entertaining part of this entire show. Don't forget your sombrero, Ocho! If they think they're gonna win just tell 'em "Child please, kiss the baby."