This is the funniest shit I have seen in a LONG time.

Seriously? I die for this.

Lovin,

Weez

Buck toothed Cyrus is at it again.

Miley Cyrus has decided to remake 'Every Rose Has It's Thorn'. Apparently, it's one of her all time favorite songs? Seriously, Miley?! You couldn't have a GOOD favorite song? Now, our love for Classic Rock runs much deeper than almost any person on this entire planet, but this is just unacceptable. We cannot stand Miley Cyrus and it's unfortunate that we like 'The Climb' and 'Party in the USA', but is it possible for us to even TRY to like this song? This 17 year old slut bag needs to stick to what she knows.... The Disney Channel. You weren't even born in the 80's, Miley!!!

Now please, for the love of everything, please fix your fucking teeth!

Oh, Mr. Michaels, she's 17. Don't touch her privates while recording... kthanksbye.

YAY!

FINALLY! Our favorite Playmate is in labor! She was sent to the hospital last night and will eventually give the world the cutest baby on the planet! We can't wait to see that little schnook! Watch out Basketts, we may be coming to take that little guy from you. Congratulations!

Aww, Jess! Is it because you're fat?

Jessica dear, we know you've had issues since Tony Homo broke up with you, but Billy Corgan? We're pretty positive that he isn't the way to get back at Tony. Apparently, they relate to each other on a "spiritual" level. Jessica tweeted: "My friend, Billy Corgan, has a pure and enlightening outlook on faith."

Maybe this is all a hoax and her Twitter was hacked? We all know she can't spell "enlightening" and she definitely doesn't know to use two commas around Billy's name.

They were seen in New York together earlier this week when she was in town for Ugly Simpson's debut in the musical Chicago. What is happening to the Simpson family?

Mariah Carey blames sucking at life on 9/11 and an epidemic of ADD in America.

In an interview with Paper Magazine Mariah Carey decided to blame the epic failure of "Glitter" and it's subsequent soundtrack on a terrorist attack. Bitch, get familiar. You can try to blame your failure on the absence of world peace if you want, but guess what... you still fucking suck!

"It was after September 11th. A lot of people taking shots at me had no place to go. We are a friggin' ADD, this country. There is a huge ADD situation."

She went on to discuss her terrible childhood and all of the terrible things that happened to her. Of course she couldn't leave the interview without discussing her on going "self esteem issues". Mariah, we understand that you don't like yourself, but if you wouldn't have started making shitty music, continue dressing like a 20 year old when you're clearly 80, and married Nick Cannon then maybe you would like yourself again. Put the saggy tit bags away, dress your age, and divorce your Z list husband. We promise, America's "ADD" will go away...

I literally cannot stand this bitch.

I wish I knew why I hated her so much, but I don't. She is just a waste of space and needs to realize she will never be famous again. Go fall on your ass again, J.Ho.

Lovin',

Sniff

Where does this come from?

Whoever taught this gay white boy how to do this....CALL US.

10 Things We Learned This Weekend (12/4-12/6)

1. Red lipstick, Johnny Rockets, and the cheap Cabernet from the GSR is an epic beginning to any friday night.

2.If you have a bi-polar sister....do not text message her that you see someone she knows at the bar because she will in turn text message them and horribly embarrass you in front of mass amounts of dude.

3. The Bar Directory is a bust. It is full of a bunch of chick's in shoulder pads and dude's so ginger you can't see their eyebrows. But thanks Blanche for bringing the entertainment.

4. Apparently every lesbian that ever lived in this town is here right now so if you feel like getting a vag tickle just head on down to the T-Ron.

5. We don't care that Toys for Tots is a charity if they get in our fucking way of going to Peg's on a Saturday morning for our weekend breakfast we will cut a bitch. DON'T. DO. THAT. AGAIN.

6. Melting Pot is the most amazing emporium in this town. We could spend all of our money there on giraffe hats, alligator gloves, elf booties (for our kids we don't have), jingle jangles and bongs. And Forrest Gump works there....bonus.

7. Savanah doesn't like the movie The Breakfast Club. She'd never seen it and after all the build up it was just a bunch of kids arguing in a library and talking about how their parents are assholes. No shit douche fags....all parents are assholes.

8. They say cock a lot in "The Ugly Truth."

9. Sitting at Bully's and trying to watch 4 games at the same time is very hard. Especially when you are greatly hungover and 2 Coors Lights and 1 Bloody Mary deep.

10. WE FOUND A NEW BAR....IT'S COMPLETELY HIDDEN...TOTALLY RAD...AND YOU'LL NEVER FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Familiar with: Captured! by Robots

There wasn't a single video that could do this justice but we tried to pick the best one we could. This Saturday we had no plans on going out whatsoever, until we got a cellular telephone call from the people we refer to as "The Tenniers." After telling Mike Tennier that we had no plans on going out he informed us that they were going to see a band with ALL ROBOTS. Naturally we immediately got in the shower and drove to meet them. Upon arriving at "The Zephyr" we were unimpressed with the 10 dollar cover charge and amount of scary dude in the immediate area. All of our worries were set aside when we witnessed the mind blowing art that is "Captured! by Robots." This kid literally is a one man band that has programmed robots to play all of his music while he sings along. We're talking drums, bass, guitar and horns. Not too mention he plays all cover songs mostly including...Don't Stop Believing, Mr. Roboto, Weird Science, Surfin Bird, Whip It, etc. On a night where we had no plans to do anything we were enlightened to some epic degree by one man from San Francisco that we shall never forget. All shows in the future will be attended by Tivanah Cerickson and if you knew what was good for you...y'all would be there too.

Greatest Family Guy excerpt EVER???

There are no words...just enjoy.

Whoa... whoa... whoa...you're makin us look bad.

We must say first of all that we love the Kardassian's more than anyone else but Kourtney seriously? You are like 15 months preggers...and wearing lingerie. Never was that appropriate or will that be appropriate and why oh why did your sisters stand by and let that go down. Tiffany is clearly a skank. But would I let her walk out of the house 8 months pregnant in a teddy and some fuck me boots....no, no I would not. I happen to like her and don't want people to judge her more than they already do. So, for future reference E! channel and Ryan Seacreast (who we hate, yet respect at the same time for all of his business ventures) please cover up the pregnant bitches you are trying to exploit.

Lovin!

Silver Fox of the week we wanna thnuggle.

First of all:DDDDAAAAMMMMNNNN!

Second of all: His last name is Slattery, which is kind of funny, a little dirty, and worth judgement so we like him even more.

Apparently he is on a program called Mad Men which we have clearly heard of before but do not watch because January Jones is on it and she sucks at life and mainly acting WHICH IS HER FUCKING JOB.

Third of all: Muhfucker is the shnazz.

God Dammit this kid is attractive...

You may or may not be aware of the fact that the Manning brothers have an OLDER brother named Cooper. Although Savanah is in a committed relationship with Coop's brother Peyton she can not (and will not) deny the fact that Cooper is clearly the hottest of all Manning's. Unfortch for this little nugget he has some sort of spine dysplasia and his football career was cut short before he could be great and get a ring like his brohams. You know what Coop? Fuck the ring boyfriend you got the pretty face and probably all the vag. Congrats to you my friend.

Hot Tranny Mess of the Day - 12/7

Refund Gap like Jwhoa.....JwoWW. Good luck this season sister, you're gonna need it.

Tiger caught without his stripes...?

According to recent reports, Jaimee Grubbs (the chick from VH1's Tool Academy that was dumped by Sean for Aida) has been having a "31 month affair" with the golfer. She claims to have over 300 text messages from him and a voicemail where he claims that his wife might know about the "affair". Get this! She has stated that they have had 20 sexual encounters. First of all, how desperate are you to COUNT your "sexual encounters" and second, 20 in "31 months"? That's two and a half years people! That's less than once a month. At least make the "affair" worth while! Jesus H Jaimee! Be a better liar.

Us Weekly is releasing the story in the magazine hitting your news stands tomorrow. Ch ch ch check it!