Dear Aubrey Drake Graham,

I love you and I want you to know that.

Love,

Sniff

New hubbband alert!

So, I realize that Maxwell is not new to the game, but he is newly blowing my mind and my no no's. This is my dreamiest dream. Football season is about to be over, my jersey will be hung up for the season, so I'm going to go get me some Maxwell compact discs!

Lovin',

Weez

Wannabe GaGa of the week.

Sorry. No...

Give us all of your shoes, Alexander McQueen.

Don't hate. Appreciate.

10 Things We Learned This Weekend (1/29-1/31)

1. When anyone gives you free tickets to a metal show at The Knit, go. You never know how fast you'll get drunk and find yourself with the only two gays in the place, judging relentlessly, and eventually get back handed by your closest friends.

2. Sometimes, when you see an epic Eazy-E t-shirt, you are unable to form your words and are forced to sound like the Cowardly Lion with "Lllllook at his shirt!". You will be hazed relentlessly until the end of time.

3. Savanah is going to be the best sister-in-law on the planet.

4. If you're unable to attend Peg's Glorified Ham and Eggs due to the massive amounts of douche waiting for a table, please visit Black Bear Diner. Although you may get accosted by a terrifying man in a bear costume, you will consume delicious breakfast food.

5. It's completely unacceptable for D.B. Schwartz to not be at Abby's Highway 40 on Saturday nights.

6. Being two obviously attractive young women dressed up and sitting in the audience of a metal show at Davidson's Distillery is the surest way to not have anyone talk to you. Savanah now goes by "Havana".

7. Shout out to Jenny that works at Salon 7! "I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay... okay, I'm a little bit gay." Please visit Tronix to retrieve your purse. Video to be posted after this update.

8. Our friend Cheffrey Geoffrey may or may not be the coolest straight man on the planet. There are very few that will be at the gay bar with us until 3:30AM and be willing to go again. He's the biggest thweety we know. Eric is one of Tiffany's favorite people in the world.

9. We only attract foreign folks now. Savanah met her favorite African in the entire world. There is also video evidence of how fantastic he is.

10. It really makes you feel terrible when you make fun of someone for 20 minutes and then you realize they have some sort of disability. Sorry Jamie Foxx's sister, no hard feelings. We already know we are going to hell with gasoline shorts on.

Hot Tranny Mess of the Day - 2/1

Kesha, where do we even start with you? Honestly, you have left us no choice but to decide you were the best candidate for Hot Tranny Mess. First of all, comb your GD hair. Second of all, please hire a stylist, make up artist, and never wear those shoes again. Third of all, don't do that with your face. Enough said.

Get Well Soon, Father-In-Law, aka Phil Harris

We learned today that Tiffany's father-in-law, Phil Harris, has been put into a medically induced coma and has undergone a serious surgery. F.I.L suffered from a stroke while he was off loading his boat. Jake Harris, Tiffany's husband, and her brother-in-law, Josh Harris, will be speaking with doctors soon. Feel better, Cap'n!