10 Things We Learned This Weekend (1/22-1/24)

1. Don't invite people over to watch outstanding HBO programs unless you are completely positive that they will enjoy said outstanding HBO programs. Shit could get weird.

2. Pegs Glorified Ham & Eggs is the most delicious establishment in Reno, NV. Get a skillet and Get Familiar.

3. Sam Merlotte is Matt Chambers in Season One of Dexter.

4. Sometimes, when you're out on the town, you meet people from Latvia. Sometimes, when you wake up in the morning, said people are walking around in your house in their underwear. And sometimes, you're okay with it.

5. The Gold Dust West has outstanding popcorn chicken. Sometimes, you'll find a cute boy to buy you the popcorn chicken.

6. Savanah believes that anyone out in Reno can only be from Reno. If you try to tell her otherwise she will make you show her your identification. After viewing your identification, she will tell you that you made a kick ass fake ID and still not believe you.

7. Tivanah Cerickson is a 50/50 partnership. Savanah is the brawn and Tiffany is the brain. If we are separated for an extended period of time then one of us will be murdered by a foreigner.

8. The Indianapolis Colts are the AFC Champions and will be attending the Superbowl. So sad for you, Brett Favre. Please retire.

9. Peyton Manning, Austin Collie, and Mark Sanchez will eventually be married to yours truly, plus Angeline. Even if we have to kill their wives... Dexter style.

10. I'm impressed with a three legged dog, but that doesn't mean it's going to win the fucking Iditarod.

This is more devastating than Haitian earthquakes.

For those of you that aren't familiar, Michael C Hall has Hodgkins Lymphoma, which is a fancy title for cancer. Words cannot describe how devastated we are by this new development. Of all of the people in all of the world that need to be sick... why is it our sweet, sweet Dexter?! And why the fuck is Mad Men dominating over Dexter in award shows? We are not familiar with Mad Men, nor do we want to be, but we are completely confident that Dexter is a much better television program. Get well soon? Fuck that, get well NOW! We's lovin' you, Michael!

It's time for Daddy to make some funny.

This is some Mortal Kombat shit!

As we're sure you are all aware, Heidi Montag recently fucked herself up by getting ten different plastic surgery procedures in one day. For some reason she believes that this is an improvement. We can all clearly see that she has no fucking idea what she is doing. Thank you, Heidi, for being so stupid because you continue to provide endless amounts of entertainment for us real people. FINISH HER.

Silver Fox of the week we wanna thnuggle. (1/25/10)

We realize that we posted two Silver Foxes before Anderson Cooper. We did this specifically because Anderson Cooper is THE Silver Fox and we didn't feel we were ready mentally, physically, or emotionally until tonight. We wish all men would look like this as they get older, but apparently only the gay ones do.

This one goes out to a young lady known as Angeline Peterson. NFL SPANK BANK.

We realize not all of you are as familiar as we are with the attractiveness that the National Football League has to offer. For your convenience, please view from left to right and the numbers will correspond:

1. Pierre Garcon, Wide Receiver, Indianapolis Colts: This is the newest member of the greatest team in the NFL. He's repping for our Haitian brothers and sisters in their time of need right now and he makes touchdowns on the regs. Loves him.

2. Ryan Clark, Safety, Pittsburgh Steelers: We must admit that we are not incredibly familiar with Ryan Clark, but he's got a fine ass.

3. Mike Tomlin (Epps), Head Coach, Pittsburgh Steelers: This man is on this list for Angeline. She loves him and thinks he's new hottness. We do not disagree with this, thus, his appearance on our list.

4. Reggie Bush, Running Back, New Orleans Saints: First of all, he is with a Kardashian, so we like him. Second of all, "BOOM" goes the fuckin' DY-NO-MITE. Third of all, his body is fire.

5. Brady Quinn, Starting Quarterback, Cleveland Browns: How the fuck did we not know about Brady GD Quinn?! This man is scrumptious in more ways than one. We're sorry that you're on the Browns, but when you get traded to a better team because that's what your face deserves... we'll care more.

6. Austin Collie, Wide Receiver, Indianapolis Colts: Not only is he an amazing football player on the best team in the NFL, but TOTAL VAGINA DOMINATION. PtotheS: Have fucking Mercy, Austin Collie's parents! PtothePtotheS: Brooke Pendleton-Collie, your days are numbered.

7. Peyton Manning, Starting Quarterback, Indianapolis Colts: This man is currently happily married to Savanah Cerfoglio. She realizes that he may not be the most attractive on this list, but he is the best fucking football player in the league, has an outstanding personality, a Superbowl ring, a hot older brother, and... not gonna lie... he's good in the sack.

8. Mark Sanchez, Starting Quarterback, New York Jets: We were completely unaware of this fine piece of tail until yesterday's total domination by the Indianapolis Colts. If you're sad because you lost, Mark, please feel free to visit Young Circle. Maybe the hottest player in the NFL? You tell us...

9. Hines Ward, Wide Receiver, Pittsburgh Steelers: He has the cutest face and biggest smile in the NFL. We just think he's a little peach.

10. Jason Taylor, Defensive Lineman, Miami Dolphins: Jason Taylor, why are you playing football and not modeling for Calvin Klein? You missed your calling, stupid.

11. REGGIE WAYNE, Wide Receiver, Indianapolis Colts: His name is in all caps because that's how you're supposed to pronounce it. He is also on this list for the enjoyment of Mrs. Peterson-Sanchez and he's on the greatest team ever.

12. Troy Polamalu, Safety, Pittsburgh Steelers: The hair.

Apparently, if you're attractive and want to play football for a living, you either get drafted by the Steelers or the Colts. Just an observation. Get Familiar.

We would like to apologize for the delay in making you familiar...

The man showcased above is the reason for our extended absence. We were unintentionally sucked into the vortex also known as the Showtime television series "Dexter". We did not rest for two weeks as we were spending countless hours in front of the television to catch up on all four seasons of this magnificent program. If you have not seen this show, please... Get Familiar.

Also, we got very familiar with Sookeh Stackhouse and Beehl Compton of True Blood. Although we have yet to finish the second season, we are completely enthralled and contribute a portion of our absence to this fantastic HBO adventure.