Sunday, May 23, 2010

Tivanah's Hot 100 Dead or Alive: Maxim couldn't figure out how to get it right, so it's our turn... with dudes.

1. Jake Gyllenhaal - He's the total package.

2. Ryan Reynolds - He's a ridiculous human and people don't really look like this.
3. Maxwell - With or without a fro, still gorgeous.
4. Robert Downey, Jr. - Hilarious, talented, attractive, and we always like 'em a little bit older.
5. Elvis Presley - It's Elvis...
6. Shia LaBeouf - Who woulda thought Lewis Stevens would turn out this mind blowing?
7. John Krasinski - He's the nicest boy on the planet.
8. Michael C. Hall - The man is Dexter. Need we say more?
9. Patrick Swayze - Nobody puts baby in a corner.
10. Mark Wahlberg - Even with a third nipple, we'd tap that.
11. Peyton Manning (Cerfoglio) - 'Nuff said.
12. John Travolta - Saturday Night Fever days.
13. Jeff Bridges - The Dude is GD sexy.
14. John Stamos - Have mercy!
15. James Franco - Saying you don't think James Franco is attractive is like blowing up a unicorn with a bomb.
16. Marlon Brando - circa 1950's.
17. Pauly Shore - We know it's wrong, but we love the Weasel.
18. Alexander Skarsgard - Words cannot describe.
19. Paul Newman - circa 1960's.
20. Michael Jackson - Don't talk shit, just let it happen.
21. Andrew Keegan - He was our dreamiest dream in sixth grade.
22. Zach Galifianakis - He may not be the most attractive, but he is the funniest.
23. Jim Carrey - We just love him, a lot.
24. Aubrey "Drake" Graham - Everything is better in Canada.
25. Bradley Cooper - Would you put on some pants? I find it a little weird I have to ask twice.
26. Anderson Cooper - He's a Vanderbilt and the most silver Silver Fox out there.
27. Frank Sinatra - circa 1938 mugshot.
28. Leonardo DiCaprio - Not only was he our favorite when we were 12, but he continues to be one of the greatest men alive.
29. Terrence Howard - Whoop that trick, get 'em!
30. Bob Marley - He speaks to us.
31. Robert DiNero - "You talkin' to me?"
32. Gerard Butler - He's the Sexecutioner.
33. Lenny Kravitz - Savanah's mom would do anything for this man.
34. Alec Baldwin - He may verbally abuse his children, but he is still funny as hell.
35. Heath Ledger - Gone much too soon.
36. Jonathan Taylor Thomas - 1993-1995, he was the dude.
37. Tupac - Probably one of the greatest artists of our time.
38. Rob Lowe - His voice is a dream.
39. Christian Bale - He may be a psycho, but you can't deny.
40. Lil Wayne - Fire.
41. Luke Perry - He's just fantastic.
42. Garth Brooks - Literally one of the greatest men to walk the Earth.
43. 50 Cent - Intelligent, talented, gorge.
44. Andy Samberg - Hangin' like my nuts.
45. Michael Franti - How you feeeelin'?!
46. Ryane Clowe - This hockey player gets Tiffany goin'.
47. Scott Baio - Savanah wants to touch his bing bong.
48. Seth Meyers - He's just cute and his smile... damn.
49. Daniel Tosh - He's hilarious.
50. Dick Van Dyke - circa Mary Poppins.
51. Mike Rowe - Best narrator next to Morgan Freeman.
52. Jesse James - We aren't Team Bombshell, but "Vanilla Gorilla" is GD hot.
53. Jim Morrisson - He's the Lizard King.
54. Al Pacino - He's Scarface.
55. Pepper - The entire band is ripped and Savanah is currently into Hawaiians.
56. Austin Collie - The most attractive Mormon we've ever seen.
57. John Corbett - He's big and tall and strong.
58. Paul Rudd - Even in his Clueless days...
59. Albie Monzo - Yes, it's literally the kid from RH of NJ. Don't judge, just watch.
60. Sean Connery - Oldie, but a goodie.
61. Ryan Gosling - He's a beaut.
62. Ed Helms - Paging Dr. Faggot.
63. Chad Ochocinco - He may be eccentric, but the man is attractive.
64. Gene Kelly - Singer, dancer extraordinaire!
65. Joel McHale - He may be slightly ginger, but there is always an exception.
66. Usher - He's relevant.
67. Nigel Barker - Noted fashion photographer.
68. Justin Bieber - It's legal in Canada.
69. Brian Wilson - Baseball pants.
70. Clint Eastwood - Do you feel lucky?
71. Matthew McConaughey - Alllright, allright, alllright!
72. Edward Norton - He's an outstanding actor.
73. Eddie Vedder - We don't normally like guys with long hair, but yes please!
74. John Slattery - Brown chicken, brown cow.
75. Damian Marley - He's half Bob Marley.
76. Mark Sanchez (Peterson) - Hot damn.
77. KANYE WEST - WHY CAN'T YOU LET HIM BE GREAT?
78. Brady Quinn - Football pants.
79. Will Smith - He makes cute babies and he just looks like he doesn't totally suck.
80. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - He's ripped and Hawaiian.
81. Mark Salling - This little treasure came out of nowhere.
82. Sasha Baren Cohen - TDH + sense of humor = happy chuckies.
83. Brandon "The Truth" Vera - MMA fighter and he's Hawaiian. Done deal.
84. Michael Imperioli - We needed to add another WOP.
85. Giovanni Ribisi - He's adore.
86. Ben Affleck - He's gonna age well.
87. Ralph Macchio - Oh, just another Italian.
88. Sam Wellington - He's Australian and he's in the most epic cinematic adventure ever made.
89. Peter Saarsgard - PEEEETER SAAAARSGARD.
90. Hugh Laurie - British, funny, pretty eyes. Check, check, and check.
91. Tom Hanks and Colin Hanks - Keepin' it all in the fam.
92. Matt Dillon - circa The Outsiders.
93. Anthony Michael Hall - Weird Science.
94. Robert Pattinson - Tiffany disagrees and feels that he should be in the top 20, but the broad didn't agree.
95. Ludacris - He's purty.
96. Jake & Josh Harris - Tiffany is married to Jake, after all.
97. Dane Cook - One of the funniest people alive.
98. Reggie Bush - He tapped THE Kardashian.
99. Emilio Estevez - Emilio!
100. Sterling Archer - Yes, he is a cartoon, but he's hot and hilarious.